why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
