We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
