Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
