why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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