I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fill condoms, not promises.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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