Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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