I murdered the dance floor call the cops
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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