looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
