I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
