The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
