oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
