that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize