I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
