I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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