Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
