I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
