Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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