my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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