I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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