she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
