If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
