Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
