Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize