This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
