Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think my mom watched the whole time
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize