i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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