Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
