He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
