All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
