please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
