My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
