i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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