youre lurking in front of me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
