chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
