youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
