So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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