good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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