talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
