Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
