Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
