i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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