I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
