I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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