I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
