Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
