i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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