naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
