Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
