I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
