Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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