i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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