I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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