An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize