it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
