Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
