tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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