I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
