me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
