everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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