i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
