Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got chris browned last night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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