i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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