Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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