Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
