also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
