hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
