We won't sleep together?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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