This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
