gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
