im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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