I bet he comes in French.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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