I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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