This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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