I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
