Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize