I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
