matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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