I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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