I just made out with a guy for $7.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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