I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
