it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
